Midlife Sooner

Another Ballad about broken cars

The ballad of the electric car

Times are hard
Gas is not cheap
and there is this sucking sound
coming from my jeep

14 miles per gallon
Is not good for the budget
time to open the barn door
and go with the eagle summit

Angie's car
not much to look at
been hit by a jeep
on both front and back

The AC compressor
locked up 5 years ago
took the power steering with it
they share the same belt you know

I tell my friend matt
good thing I have these guns
as I make show of my muscles
trying to execute some turns

but I digress
and I shouldn't skip ahead
this is another long story
anther Flippo ballad

So I try to get the thing started
replaced filters, fuel pumps, and paid the fees
All that work and it
turns out it just needs a battery

Monday morning
I drive the car with a new battery installed from Autozone
To get the oil changed at wall mart
then to head back home (to oklahoma)

I have had a lot of bad experiences
at the place we call wall mart
lost keys, lost dipstick
keys locked in car

So I always ask myself
why do I always go back
it is the money I know
so sad alack alack alack

Anyway I try to keep an eye
on the yeah whos working on the eagle
I notice they are jumping the thing
with battery cables

He came in to give the diagnosis
much like a doctor after a rough surgery
"I am afraid" he said
"you have a bad battery"

"I just got it yesterday"
was my curt reply
"I know" he said
"but its fried"

So mr Rex from wall mart
kept my car running
as I paid the lady
doing some fuming

I take the thing
back to autozone to check with their machine
sure enough, it held a charge
about as well as my spleen

So it is at this time
I start to hypothesize
was it the battery, or my car
I bet it was those wall mart guys

I stop in Wichita
to have it looked at by Jeff Baxter
no electrical drains
and 14 volts from the alternator (which is good)

So I jump back in and head to norman
stopping a few times for errands
the thing ran great
30 mpg into the head wind

I was feeling good about the deal
till I got in the next morning and it was dead
I sat there a long time
running the car off the cliff in my head

I call matt
he takes me and the battery back to autozone
Yep another blown electric potential device
who would have known

At this point
the car was left to blame
I can't pin it on the wall mart guys anymore
this has cleared their name

I ask around
I get some advice
check the fusable link they say
no dice

Another guy says to have
the alternator checked
sure enough
it is suspect

I leave battery number 2
unhooked from the car
I didn't want to stretch that warranty
too far

I did drive it to my lab
where I have some tools
and I am close
to the toilet stool

I proceed to dismatle
this little Japanese battery killer
having to use a big pipe
as a wrench cheater

I get it off
try to new one on
oh no
something is wrong

the old and new pulleys
are a different size
I look at them a while
trying to change them with my mind

the belt is too big
the thing just slides to the right
anymore things like this
don't surprise

it is hard to fight
without the right gun
what to do now
the car won't run

I call autozone
to see about delivery
the guy said no
and laughed at me

Matt didn't have his car
and my bike was at home
All I had was this old bike in the lab
that this guy named Al owned

two flat tires
and no air chuck
I ask around
and am in luck

I stick both alternators
in my bag
also the old belt
man what a drag

Al's bike
is the kind old men ride
you sit straight up
and kind of glide

I was headed down the hill
by a city lake
when I realized
Al didn't have real good brakes

Arrived at AZ not stopping much
but almost ran over a lady egressing
I left the bike outside
no one will want it I am guessing

Gave them the alternators
"can you switch the pulleys guys?"
why was I not surprised
when the shafts were a different size

I wondered
what to do now!
so I took two smaller belts
and headed back out

It was around this time
I was challenged to choose my mind
to see the this as a adventure
and not a waste of time

I rode a little higher
on Al's dorky bike
I enjoyed the day
out for a nice hike

Got back to the lab
tried both belts with a snort
wasn't that surprised
that they were both too short

On Al's bike again
thinking of the poem I will compose
trying not to careen into cars
on my way to autozone

Give me another belt I belt
not expecting much from it
ride back to the car
what do you know it fits

The car gets 35 mpg
but you have to account for the battery
it is more of a hybrid I think
needing gas and batteries to drink

As for Al's bike
it sets in the bin
I look at it with a smile
and hope I never ride it again

posted by Flippo @ 7:12 AM